Timmy Burns

Last night was possibly the finest example of douchebagery that I have EVER encoutered.

Let me paint the scene for you.

I had received a call from my good friend Jess. Her friend Laura was leaving for school Sunday and had a bunch of people get together to go out drinking in downtown Springfield. We first stopped at Theodore's so some people could eat, then we went to Pour House because Laura works there when she's not at school.

And here's were the idiocy comes in. The most asinine example of poor DJ'ing that I've ever experienced in my entire life. The most atrocious exhibit of 'I-don't-know-how-to-DJ' DJ'ing..

I walk up to the DJ, who had been playing shit like Brown Eyed Girl and Jon Bon Jovi.. which are okay songs for a young crowd if you've got a bunch of people already dancing and singing.. but he didn't.

This prime example of Grade A Douche looked like a hairy Gilligan whose mouth produced too much spit and wore large white tee's in an effort to be 'hip hop'.

I asked him to play 'Stronger' from Daft Punk/Kanye West - he said he'd find it but ended up playing some terrible remix of Gold Digger. The song restarted twice and each time played for about 30 seconds and then he killed it entirely.

And still, no one was dancing. The girls that we were with there with had gone up to dance, but since the retard had no idea what he was doing the song had stopped and started again by the time they had gotten to the front of the bar.

So I asked him for another request, 'Wouldn't Get Far' - The Game .. and I guess he's sensitive about The Game because he flipped out.

'NO! NO WAY! We're playing stuff people can DANCE TO. Not that CRAP!' Spitting and salivating everywhere, his eyes produced a furious anger. I walked away laughing, and we left the bar.

So my suggestion is to not go to Pour House on a Friday night because the DJ there has absolutely no idea how to work his own craft. He should, in my opinion, remove himself from the gene pool immediately to prevent any possibility of breeding.

-Timmy Burns!