Timmy Burns

Sorry for all the backdates.. I've been writing and not posting. I'll keep things more consistent in the future.

The Ghost That Haunts Progression.

When I look at the relationships I have with my friends, I see that things have changed. I look back on last winter when we got together a lot and did a lot of things together. I see how this dynamic has changed in the past 12 months and everyone has become busier and due to that, they are available less.

It is natural to feel that I have not changed. That I am still around just as much as I was then, but I know that this is not true. It is acceptable to think that everyone else has grown more distant and that I have been trying to hold whats left together, but this cannot be confirmed.

My greatest concern comes from the lack of desire to be there for each other. And in this respect I think that I am still just as much there for my friends as I always was. I try to show up to any events or get togethers that we have because that is something that I feel is very important - just being there.

It's discomforting to know that this policy is self-destructive, and the further we drift apart the further we push each other away. In a sense it frustrates me because I want to pull everyone together again with a nostalgic sentiment for the way things were in the past. And this sentiment, it's been said, is the ghost that haunts progression.

As we move forward through life, I know in my heart that every one of my friends has a strong will and they make decisions that make them happy. This is ultimately all we can do, look out for ourselves and the ones we care about the most. But that caring comes with a burden of responsibility, we have to let our friends go and blaze their own path, and a true friend understands these choices and supports them even though they change the way these relationships used to be.

I am on both sides of this rotten coin. While I know that I should support my friends and simply encourage them to be happy, I want nothing more than to be selfish and bring things back to how they were. For now, I will hold these memories close to me and use that energy to push myself forward, to progress.