Timmy Burns

Where do we begin? Let's start with a shotgun blast to cover all the key points.

People who have week long birthday celebrations are conceited husks with no sense of self-worth.

That should take care of offending nearly everyone. Now we'll start to pick this apart in a way that the average reader would in an attempt to either debunk my statement or try to make me look stupid.

First up, I know that I'm full of myself. I don't keep this quiet so it shouldn't shock you that I'm well aware of this. What I don't do is force people to participate in a week long 'Look at my I don't get enough attention and I need to feel better about myself because ultimately I am a waste of flesh' marathon where you proudly display that it's your birthday on every form of media you have available.

So, why do I care? Because it is this hollow sense of self-importance that is destroying society today. No one is actually deserving of a week long festival in their honor, yet they all feel that they deserve it. What have you done that entitles you to this? Unless you have successfully found a renewable and infinite energy source then I think it's safe to say you should can your antics and realize just who you really are.

Most of you are thinking, 'It's the one day of the year that I can make about me, why can't I just have that?' and go right ahead. Have your day and your cake. Just because I have never really celebrated my birthday does not mean that I have a pedestal to stand on and tell you that you can't have yours. But do you really need to make it so dramatic that everyone on the planet knows what week you have it in, but not what day it's on?

If this is what makes you feel happy and gives purpose to your otherwise meaningless life then go for it. I'll keep running my mouth about how it's incredibly self-absorbed and outwardly egocentric, though.