Timmy Burns

Saying 'Bless you.' after someone sneezes.

How long is this bullshit going to go on for?

Let's kick off this screed with my first statement - I have no issues with 'blessing' someone in whatever religious way you're comfortable with then they need it. Dying? Got your legs lopped off? Maybe a lawn dart missed it's intended target and is not currently residing in your eye socket. THESE ARE TIMES PEOPLE NEED BLESSINGS. Not when they sneeze. Not even close.

Think about what happens when you sneeze. You spray spit in a fine mist into the air. Likely some of it gets on me and whoever else is unfortunate enough to be within relative proximity of your DNA distribution. If someone walks up to you and spits in your face do you wipe it off and politely say, 'Well - Bless you! You might want to get some DayQuil!' NO. You are horrified and likely pretty angry.

So how is sneezing different? It's involuntary? That's bullshit, too. Sometimes when I have to dook so bad I might just INVOLUNTARILY SHIT MYSELF. Do you bless me then? No, I'm ashamed and swimming in dook and you're laughing or vomiting.

I know, I know - thousands of years ago people thought your soul was escaping blah blah fucking a thousand years ago Lord Kelvin said that 'heavier than air flying machines are not possible' (go ahead, Google it) and this guy discovered what we now refer to as Absolute Zero so he was a smart mother fucker. Do we go around disbelieving that planes work? Maybe it's some Harry Potter magic shit.

WE KNOW THE EARTH ISN'T FLAT. WE KNOW THAT WE'RE NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. WE KNOW THAT ELECTRICITY EXISTS. WE KNOW THAT OUR GOD DAMNED SOULS ARE NOT LEAPING FROM OUR BODIES WHEN WE SNEEZE!!

STOP saying 'Bless you.'

It's not polite. It's not nice. It's fucking stupid and you're wasting my time because I either need to go into this rancid diatribe OR say, 'Thank you' and put on some damn mask so that you think I mean it. Neither of which I have time for.