Timmy Burns

Upon the request of a friend I have decided to start writing in here again. Maybe if I update this more than once a month I can drum up some regulars.

You know, it's funny how the mind works. I have a million ideas stream through my head every day and even as I sat in this chair contemplating if I should get up and go to my computer to start writing (good thing my girlfriends laptop was sitting here) I had thought after thought whiz through my brain.

The strangest part of the mind is it's ability to protect itself. This may be exacerbated in my personal instance because I tend to seriously over-analyze things.. sometimes to the point where they no longer make sense.

But, for a moment let's assume that I am mentally stable and that I do think with a general clearness. I make this assumption because I typically function very well in just about all situations. This is not because I constantly think that I must act with honor or patience or peacefulness or vengeance or empathy.. I simply act and sometimes my actions fit these definitions. Sometimes they don't, but we're not all perfect.

I think that I am mentally stable and sane because I can remove myself from the protection of my ego and look at my faults (for example, my over-analysis.. among MANY others) but perhaps the protection of my ego is only partially removed, or maybe it has become really good at fooling me.

So operating under the assumption that I am sane and able to analyze myself truthfully we can come to a conclusion.

My way of thinking is threatening to people.

The way I perceive the world, the way I act, the way I think, the person I am is seen as a threat to those who cannot remove the protective layer of their ego and truly see themselves and their actions for what they are.

So instead of looking inward (where I typically look for answers) they, in a very Western fashion, look outward for blame. Sometimes I find this blame lands at my feet. Their ego cannot let them think for one second that the problem lies within *them* so naturally the problem must lie with someone else. They are invincible, infallible, untouchable.

While I do stand by my beliefs I also know that sometimes my thoughts, actions, and who I am are not in correct alignment with what is right and I must make a change. When these types of situations present themselves to me I stop protecting my ego and seriously analyze what can be wrong. I make adjustments that truly change who I am and continue on my path. Still acting without first considering if these actions are 'right' because, being a good person, they usually are right. Of course, when they're wrong I'm happy to admit it.

And this way of living is dangerous to some people. They don't understand what life is like without first wearing a mask and carefully calculating all their actions and thinking, 'How will this make me look?'

Since my presentation isn't of concern to me, it is a threat to those who are concerned by it. They try to pick apart the small faults that I've already admitted were faults. They try to compare how much better they are to my mistakes. In any way possible they try to measure themselves up to me to give themselves a pat on the back. Their ego says, 'It's okay. You don't have to worry about him because you're better than he is.' and then they supply themselves with an external reason of why they are a good person and never look inside to see who they truly are.

Their ego stretches to great lengths and snatches any opportunity to make itself feel better. There is no honesty, no integrity, no truth to define their thoughts, only the next external reason they can use to validate their existence and they crave it like a junkie needing their next fix.

Of course, I am open to the possibility that *my* ego has created all of the above to help protect *me*. This is the key difference between the way I think and the way most others think. I am open to blaming myself for my actions. I will be held accountable.

However, because most others are looking for external blame they like this option the best. I am willing to accept the repercussions for my actions and they are all too willing to deal it out. I am able to bend with the winds of change and adjust seamlessly and that is seen as the threat of being 'fake'. In no way am I fake, just adaptable and constantly evolving.

We stand in Darwin's waiting room. I am moving quickly towards the next evolutionary step while those who refuse to learn and grow lag behind and resent those of us who are far beyond their reach.